Dealing with loneliness and isolation when you are hurting?

[flanagaj]

This might sound like a very daft question, but I am keen to understand whether other bikepackers also suffer with this.  I love bikepacking tours, but I do find that when you are physically hurting and having a tough time I can find myself feeling really quite down and a little depressed and missing the wife and daughter.

If you do, I would be keen to understand how you deal with this.  A classic example of what I am talking about is what Mike Dion seemed to suffer when he attempted the TD.  It is on the 'Ride the Divide' dvd and he seemed to have a rather emotional breakdown.  I wonder how much of this was because he was suffering physically.

Thanks

[vikb]

I know that on every day I am touring at a pace that's hard for me and/or under some other duress [bad weather, injury, gear failure, etc...] I'll have some amazingly craptacular moments. Always happens, but having been through them so many times before I know that it's [almost always] just a matter of time before things swing the other way and I am feeling better.

Since I have time on my hands in the saddle I consider what objective thing(s) are contributing to my feeling bad and I do something about them until I've knocked off everything I have control over. I might eat, adjust my bike, walk every climb for a while, stop and rest, etc..

I've only quit one time and that's because I was doing damage to my body that I could not correct in the field and the completion of my trip wasn't worth the suffering and potential long-term consequences. I took a couple days to ponder my options before ending that ride. Looking back I regret not preparing my bike better for that trip. but I don't regret quitting.

I also use my experiences from previous trips to prevent/mitigate problems from happening again. I keep what works constant and try and improve anything that wasn't great in the past.

[ScottyJ]

Yup, not a daft question at all.
For me being tired, hungry, sore, cold, lost, and wet is nothing compared to being tired, hungry, sore, cold, lost, wet, and alone.
I experience some seriously bad times on every multi-day solo ride with self-doubt and loneliness, even gave in to them once.

The times when I've pulled myself through have been the best moments of my life and they keep me going back for more "type-2 fun".

Now that we have spot tracking beacons we know that our friends and colleagues all over the globe are expecting us to keep going and stay on course.

I find that breaking the route into sections between food stops or calls to home works well to keep me going through the shitty times.

[wahday]

I think this is a great question and I am surprised more people haven’t responded to the thread. I think everybody experiences this at times whether they are willing to admit it or not. I have done extended canoe trips in Canada, backpacking in Alaska and bikepacking in New Mexico and I think, probably without exception, that I have found the dark, self-questioning hole of existential angst on almost every single trip at some point. Some worse than others, of course, and some are shorter lived than others, but it does seem always to loom there in the background. And it is worse if you are alone.

I do a lot of cursing to myself at times. Once when I was out of water and totally alone in the hot and dry outback of New Mexico I threw myself into the sliver of juniper tree shade and screamed obscenities at myself for getting myself into the situation. When I remembered I had an apple stashed deep in my bag, I sat there and devoured every last inch save for the stem and seeds. Then I got my ass up and rode on.

I have learned that almost every time I get to this place, it is because I am hungry, thirsty and exhausted. Or some combination thereof. It really is that simple for me and it is amazing how something so simple can plummet you to the depths of your humanity (and how easily things look better with rest, food and adequate hydration). It can feel REALLY bleak and depressing at the time, especially if those things you really need cannot be had until you reach your destination or if the onset of the crisis occurs in the midst of some great exposed expanse or, if canoeing, the middle of a windy lake. That’s no fun at all. So if I can, I will take the time to stop and relax, eat, maybe even take a little nap. It is amazing how much that can help.

Travelling with more people can definitely help you keep your head on straight but the reality for me is that coordinating with others is very challenging and most of the time I am out alone. Lately I have been trying to be less cavalier about how much mileage I think I can cover and build in more cushion. The idea is to not push myself quite to the edge where I am no longer enjoying my experience and am instead questioning my existence. Shorter mileage also means more camp time, opportunities to explore on foot and a chance to be better rested.

[roadpacker]

I don't have this problem! When I was just beginning I used to feel alone, but after about 3 or 4 years of occasionally getting out, it went away. Read books by Alistair Humphreys and other such people who have been there, and take heart. Just learn to enjoy it and not have it be a feature of what you're doing. You were just as alone when you were feet away from your friends!

[flanagaj]

Some interesting comments above.  The majority of which seem to agree with my experience, that the 'missing home' syndrome always seems to kick in when you are feeling exhausted or just generally having a bad time out there.  It happened to me again this weekend just gone.  But it was my own fault and I am starting to realize that setting yourself a rigid time frame and agenda of where you want to be and when can be setting yourself up for a fall before you have even started.

I am starting to readjust the way I approach trips now.  Firstly, I am going to cut down my expected daily mileage and base it very much on the elevation profile of the route.  It's all well and good saying 'Yeah, I can smash 60 miles out today' only to then find that those 60 miles involve a total of 7500ft of climbing.

I also need to just man up and start wild camping.  Currently, I always aim for a campsite, but this can mean you are racing against the clock to get to said campsite and in doing so totally overcook it.  This added pressure and extra hurting puts you in that place you don't want to be in.

[EDMountain]

Great topic.

I haven't done tons of solo bikepacking, but I find the loneliness and missing home can rear its head even when riding with others.

After it passes, it usually looks upon reflection like self pity. Which is understandable. It's so easy, while riding, for your imagination to create scenes in your head of your wonderful family and all the good times you're missing... or the challenging scenarios you're creating by your absence.

I also think that bikepacking can, IMO, contain deep seeds of personal hero myth-making. That is, these adventures can be epic, so epic that some of us feel compelled to share every second of our journeys with the world. We can make ourselves into the protagonists of our own hero's journey. Then when we're out on the trail, the ego-created saga clashes with the very humbling and endless pedaling and pain of climbing the 28th hill on an empty stomach. In those moments, the old why-am-I-doing-this questioning begins and then the missing home.

Not that this is the reason for your loneliness, but I've noticed all this in myself.

Onward.
: )

[RonK]

The way I look at it, bike touring should not hurt so much that it depresses me. If it did I'd know I was doing things wrong.
I tour solo because I enjoy the freedom and solitude, and relish the odd moment of uncertainty and nervous anticipation.
Yes, some days are harder than others, but only as hard as I choose to make 'em.
The only time I ever felt down on tour was when my mother passed away.

[flanagaj]

Having read the comments above I think I have concluded that those feelings of missing home ... are just down to having rose tinted spectacles on.  The human mind is very clever at convincing you that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence when things are tough.  The golden question is how you keep a level head and realize that is not always the case when the chips are down.

[joeydurango]

I tend to view the ups and downs of trips as an enjoyable part of the experience.  Experiencing the extreme highs and lows, often so close to one another, is a great way to explore your inner wildlands.  At least, it is for me.  1 part outdoor exploration, 1 part personal psychology lesson...

[Von Petrol]

When riding alone in the wilderness, you will find emotions you did not know you had!